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Hope is the thing with feathers | for Daniel
The snow comes rather unexpectedly and Inej doesn't need to be told that it would be a generous, appreciated thing to do if she happens to appear at Daniel's door. So, after a task of bundling the twins--neither of them want to be put in their jackets and hats and gloves--she heads out to the nearest grocery.
There's plenty of people that are acting a little manic about the sudden snow, but Inej has been through enough storms in her life that she isn't too worried. It's mostly wrangling the twins, who want to do everything but stay close to the cart as they go through the aisles and she gets things for a few meals.
Once it looks like a manageable few days of meals, she makes her way to the register. That's a whole different task, making sure that the twins stay on her side when they're fussing, but after grabbing a candy bar and promising they can share it, they manage to focus long enough for her to finish the transaction, pay, and get everything together.
And then it's back out into the snow, the twins carefully holding onto her jacket and her arms holding the grocery bags. It's a slog through deep snow, almost as tall as the twins, from the grocery back to Dimera, but they all make it. The twins are fussy enough that she doesn't want to send them back to the apartment alone--and she knows that Daniel likes them.
She knocks on the door. If he's not in--she hopes he is--she'll come back with some food in containers later. The twins join in on the knocking, gently hollering as well, even as Inej tries to shush them.
There's plenty of people that are acting a little manic about the sudden snow, but Inej has been through enough storms in her life that she isn't too worried. It's mostly wrangling the twins, who want to do everything but stay close to the cart as they go through the aisles and she gets things for a few meals.
Once it looks like a manageable few days of meals, she makes her way to the register. That's a whole different task, making sure that the twins stay on her side when they're fussing, but after grabbing a candy bar and promising they can share it, they manage to focus long enough for her to finish the transaction, pay, and get everything together.
And then it's back out into the snow, the twins carefully holding onto her jacket and her arms holding the grocery bags. It's a slog through deep snow, almost as tall as the twins, from the grocery back to Dimera, but they all make it. The twins are fussy enough that she doesn't want to send them back to the apartment alone--and she knows that Daniel likes them.
She knocks on the door. If he's not in--she hopes he is--she'll come back with some food in containers later. The twins join in on the knocking, gently hollering as well, even as Inej tries to shush them.
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Come buy our orchird fruits
It's a first time they've gotten a sitter since October, but they need this. It's not an in-home sitter. They could have gone out, gotten a hotel room, all of that sort of thing. But part of the comfort of this is that they found a woman who agreed to watch the twins overnight, and Inej can pick them up in the morning. They have the whole night to themselves.
Of course Inej is a little nervous about it. Not about their plans, but about leaving the twins to someone she doesn't know and trust implicitly. But they both need this. Just a little moment away, to not be parents and to work through some of the quiet, building tension that can't be worked through in the brief, quiet moments they manage to steal away during nap times.
"Are you going to tell me the plans, or is everything up to you until the last second?" Inej teases as she stands in her closet in nothing but her underthings, contemplating outfits. "I can't get dressed if you don't tell me where we're going."
Of course Inej is a little nervous about it. Not about their plans, but about leaving the twins to someone she doesn't know and trust implicitly. But they both need this. Just a little moment away, to not be parents and to work through some of the quiet, building tension that can't be worked through in the brief, quiet moments they manage to steal away during nap times.
"Are you going to tell me the plans, or is everything up to you until the last second?" Inej teases as she stands in her closet in nothing but her underthings, contemplating outfits. "I can't get dressed if you don't tell me where we're going."
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(no subject)
The twins are eight months old, and it's a bit hard to believe how much they've grown.
She has to arrange for their christening, before their first birthday. It's a deadline she's given to herself, as their personalities develop by leaps and bounds each day, a thing important to her and her Saints more than it's important to Kaz. But she knows that Kaz respects the choice.
Today is a slow morning, but it sees her in the kitchen, making coffee and bottles and breakfast with a diligence that she learned watching her mother making fry bread over the camp fire and the stove in the vardo.
It's a morning that makes her miss her parents more than most. Thinking how her father might stare sternly at Kaz and how Kaz would stare sternly back, how her mother would braid flowers into her hair for special occasions, the affectionate things they would call their grandchildren. She's said more prayers to them and to her Saints lately, as the days get shorter and the nights longer. Traveling on the Ravkan steppe is always the hardest in winter.
The eggs and toast start to burn. Inej swears, foul and round-voweled Kerch that she learned from Barrel boys even before she became a Dreg as she snatches the bread off the hot plate with one hand and the pan of eggs off the heat with the other.
Jordie and Ana giggle from their play pen in the other corner of the kitchen.
She has to arrange for their christening, before their first birthday. It's a deadline she's given to herself, as their personalities develop by leaps and bounds each day, a thing important to her and her Saints more than it's important to Kaz. But she knows that Kaz respects the choice.
Today is a slow morning, but it sees her in the kitchen, making coffee and bottles and breakfast with a diligence that she learned watching her mother making fry bread over the camp fire and the stove in the vardo.
It's a morning that makes her miss her parents more than most. Thinking how her father might stare sternly at Kaz and how Kaz would stare sternly back, how her mother would braid flowers into her hair for special occasions, the affectionate things they would call their grandchildren. She's said more prayers to them and to her Saints lately, as the days get shorter and the nights longer. Traveling on the Ravkan steppe is always the hardest in winter.
The eggs and toast start to burn. Inej swears, foul and round-voweled Kerch that she learned from Barrel boys even before she became a Dreg as she snatches the bread off the hot plate with one hand and the pan of eggs off the heat with the other.
Jordie and Ana giggle from their play pen in the other corner of the kitchen.
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very fair is she who knows the ways of joy | for Nina
Does Inej trust this place? No. Not any more than she trusts Darrow (for all the good that it has given her), or any more than she trusted Ketterdam (for all the ways she grew in that cage of a place, all the people it gave her). Inej doesn't trust East Hollow any more than anything else, but she's not cynical about it.
Instead, this is a strange sort of gift. Not a respite. They've been given plenty of that, really. Darrow is a respite all its own. But a new bit of decor is always welcome. A new place to explore in their over-glorified bird cage.
She has the twins in their dual pram and her phone tucked against her shoulder and ear, ringing away for Nina's number. When she picks up, Inej is already talking.
"Have you headed out to all this? I have Ana and Jordie ready to see all this Harvest nonsense, I bet Katya would love all this."
Instead, this is a strange sort of gift. Not a respite. They've been given plenty of that, really. Darrow is a respite all its own. But a new bit of decor is always welcome. A new place to explore in their over-glorified bird cage.
She has the twins in their dual pram and her phone tucked against her shoulder and ear, ringing away for Nina's number. When she picks up, Inej is already talking.
"Have you headed out to all this? I have Ana and Jordie ready to see all this Harvest nonsense, I bet Katya would love all this."
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the auroras of autumn | for Kaz
Inej finds a sitter, which she hasn't done in the last six months because she's felt that might be some sign of neglect or selfishness or something else, but--but. A new place, a curiosity, some place to go inspires in her the quiet curiosities that were trained into her as a Dreg.
Do they ever really leave their pasts behind? They are parents, husband and wife, patiently adult and business owners now. Kaz goes without his gloves more often than with, a quiet confidence in place of formidable enforcer. Inej hasn't been a Spider in ages. But this new place, this chance to explore something that is different and outside of what they've known? It awakens the parts of her that spent long, sleepless nights on uncomfortable rooftops, or scaling walls, or walking paths, or listening to harebrained plans.
So, Inej finds a sitter. She doesn't know what they're looking for. Nothing? They don't need to look for anything. That's the best part of it, probably. It's as light and meaningless as when someone tries to sell her something worthless for much more than that at a street sale and she gets light fingered. This adventure is just a bit more in depth than pinching something from a booth.
And who knows. Maybe they'll come out of it with something more than a good joke and bright smiles at the end of the evening.
East Hollow is noisy with festivities, their own natives and Darrow visitors keeping the square busy and bright. It feels, in a way, like a Suli gathering. Inej doesn't think of that for more than a moment. She'll have to come back and visit another time, some time that isn't leaning into this sort of an adventure. Tonight is just for her and Kaz and being the miscreant Barrel thugs they were back home. Tonight is to be the Bastard's Wraith for the first time in years.
Do they ever really leave their pasts behind? They are parents, husband and wife, patiently adult and business owners now. Kaz goes without his gloves more often than with, a quiet confidence in place of formidable enforcer. Inej hasn't been a Spider in ages. But this new place, this chance to explore something that is different and outside of what they've known? It awakens the parts of her that spent long, sleepless nights on uncomfortable rooftops, or scaling walls, or walking paths, or listening to harebrained plans.
So, Inej finds a sitter. She doesn't know what they're looking for. Nothing? They don't need to look for anything. That's the best part of it, probably. It's as light and meaningless as when someone tries to sell her something worthless for much more than that at a street sale and she gets light fingered. This adventure is just a bit more in depth than pinching something from a booth.
And who knows. Maybe they'll come out of it with something more than a good joke and bright smiles at the end of the evening.
East Hollow is noisy with festivities, their own natives and Darrow visitors keeping the square busy and bright. It feels, in a way, like a Suli gathering. Inej doesn't think of that for more than a moment. She'll have to come back and visit another time, some time that isn't leaning into this sort of an adventure. Tonight is just for her and Kaz and being the miscreant Barrel thugs they were back home. Tonight is to be the Bastard's Wraith for the first time in years.
Are innocence and beauty born? [gathering | Mar 19]
The labor starts early in the morning and Inej is nothing if not terrified. It's too early. There was always a risk it might be, but this is too early, a month before she ought to go. Still, these aren't the nervous occasionalities she's felt from time to time throughout the pregnancy, and especially in the last three weeks.
She wakes Kaz in a riot. They are not going to hospital. This will happen at home (like Nina's did). Nina will be there (like she was). There are others to contact, but at the moment, having her husband and her best friend there is what she needs to get through this. Nina isn't any sort of midwife, and Inej has one of those ready in the wings as well. But first, her little family.
She can't be a panic, not now, if she's going to have babies.
By the time the troops are roused, it's already time to get the midwife called and on her way. Inej can't stop moving. It feels like nothing's ready.
They haven't even settled on names, by the Saints. What is she supposed to call the little thumps when they come out?
--
With Nina and the midwife in the room with Inej, Kaz Brekker is unceremoniously banished from the bedroom while his wife gives birth. There's still things to do and furniture to build to get ready for the untimely arrival of the infants, a month before they were really prepared for them.
There's nothing to stop the noise of her labor, the steady wail of it. But there's plenty to distract. Strollers to fit together, bassinets to build, clothing to sort out from a few gifts and a few purchases in preparations of this day, though they had thought it might be at least a couple more weeks of collections before this moment. Between Kaz, Inej, and Nina, they certainly know enough people to call on to help on these sorts of things.
The labor itself takes longer than expected. From the start in the early hours, it's not until the evening that things finally wear themselves down. But when things get a move on behind that door, they certainly do get a move on. First one set of wailing infantile tears, and than a second within fifteen minutes after.
A brief moment as the babies wailed, and as other noises died away, before the midwife ducked her head out.
"We'll take the father first," she says, "and then, if mother's feeling up for it, anyone else that would like to peak in on her and the little ones. Nina's in there with her now while we finish the clean up."
In the bedroom, Inej at least has a sheet across her for modesty. She's strained and sweaty, smiling like the proudest thing in the world, and holding a child in each arm: a boy, and a girl, both creamy in complexion with swirls of jet black hair.
She wakes Kaz in a riot. They are not going to hospital. This will happen at home (like Nina's did). Nina will be there (like she was). There are others to contact, but at the moment, having her husband and her best friend there is what she needs to get through this. Nina isn't any sort of midwife, and Inej has one of those ready in the wings as well. But first, her little family.
She can't be a panic, not now, if she's going to have babies.
By the time the troops are roused, it's already time to get the midwife called and on her way. Inej can't stop moving. It feels like nothing's ready.
They haven't even settled on names, by the Saints. What is she supposed to call the little thumps when they come out?
--
With Nina and the midwife in the room with Inej, Kaz Brekker is unceremoniously banished from the bedroom while his wife gives birth. There's still things to do and furniture to build to get ready for the untimely arrival of the infants, a month before they were really prepared for them.
There's nothing to stop the noise of her labor, the steady wail of it. But there's plenty to distract. Strollers to fit together, bassinets to build, clothing to sort out from a few gifts and a few purchases in preparations of this day, though they had thought it might be at least a couple more weeks of collections before this moment. Between Kaz, Inej, and Nina, they certainly know enough people to call on to help on these sorts of things.
The labor itself takes longer than expected. From the start in the early hours, it's not until the evening that things finally wear themselves down. But when things get a move on behind that door, they certainly do get a move on. First one set of wailing infantile tears, and than a second within fifteen minutes after.
A brief moment as the babies wailed, and as other noises died away, before the midwife ducked her head out.
"We'll take the father first," she says, "and then, if mother's feeling up for it, anyone else that would like to peak in on her and the little ones. Nina's in there with her now while we finish the clean up."
In the bedroom, Inej at least has a sheet across her for modesty. She's strained and sweaty, smiling like the proudest thing in the world, and holding a child in each arm: a boy, and a girl, both creamy in complexion with swirls of jet black hair.
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(no subject)
The worst, or maybe most bothersome part, of everything is how outrageously sensitive she is, constantly. Not just that she's starting to have swollen ankles and a sore back and all those sensitivities of carrying around the extra weight. But the hungry sort of sensitivity.
She stayed home while Kaz is at the club, but it only lasts for a few hours. She works on putting together bassinets until she can't anymore, until she's distracted and laid down and stupid from herself.
The only thing she does is give him a single, demanding text. Come home.
She stayed home while Kaz is at the club, but it only lasts for a few hours. She works on putting together bassinets until she can't anymore, until she's distracted and laid down and stupid from herself.
The only thing she does is give him a single, demanding text. Come home.
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From you comes life and all that follows
Inej has known for almost a month.
Shortly before the wedding, and for about two weeks after their first night together as husband and wife, Inej has gone to Nina because, while she isn't a healer, she does understand how life works. Inej went the first time near tears, concerned that what if Tante Heleen had done something to her, what if she made her barren some how. It's a silly thought.
"I think you would know," Nina points out, sweet but also a little condescending at the time, trying to alleviate the stress of the moment.
Inej, softly, confessed that Tante Heleen had made her lose a child within three months of arriving at the Menagerie. So she put nothing past a woman, not wanting one of her prizes to get put up like that again. Nina's face was positively livid. She made sure that Inej was hale and whole and, at least theoretically, capable.
But Inej has known for almost a month, the life growing in her. It's terrifying and wonderful. But mostly? It just makes her hungry.
She's camped out at Nina's, because Nina is cross with Tommy Shelby (with every good right), and Inej can't be cooped up in her own apartment. She prefers the sweet atmosphere of Nina's, the smell of tea and the candles she burns when people come to her for soothing and tailoring. She's trying to teach Nina how to make skillet bread, because she desperately misses her mother at a time like this. Nina is a very dear second, having so recently gone through all of these things.
Shortly before the wedding, and for about two weeks after their first night together as husband and wife, Inej has gone to Nina because, while she isn't a healer, she does understand how life works. Inej went the first time near tears, concerned that what if Tante Heleen had done something to her, what if she made her barren some how. It's a silly thought.
"I think you would know," Nina points out, sweet but also a little condescending at the time, trying to alleviate the stress of the moment.
Inej, softly, confessed that Tante Heleen had made her lose a child within three months of arriving at the Menagerie. So she put nothing past a woman, not wanting one of her prizes to get put up like that again. Nina's face was positively livid. She made sure that Inej was hale and whole and, at least theoretically, capable.
But Inej has known for almost a month, the life growing in her. It's terrifying and wonderful. But mostly? It just makes her hungry.
She's camped out at Nina's, because Nina is cross with Tommy Shelby (with every good right), and Inej can't be cooped up in her own apartment. She prefers the sweet atmosphere of Nina's, the smell of tea and the candles she burns when people come to her for soothing and tailoring. She's trying to teach Nina how to make skillet bread, because she desperately misses her mother at a time like this. Nina is a very dear second, having so recently gone through all of these things.
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wedding night bliss
They rent a room for the night. Rather, three weeks back, Inej rented a room at the casino-hotel so they could have their wedding night together without it being in their apartment. Were they Suli, they would have spent it in their own, new, Vardo just outside the rest of the camp, a mockery of privacy because everyone would know what was happening. She's not sure what a wedding night entails with the Kerch, except probably a lot of pretending they're not having fun doing it, and prayers about duty and commerce. Their wedding, Inej's and Kaz's, is more Suli than Kerch, but it's mostly just theirs.
So Inej changes into something a little more comfortable when they pick up their overnight bags from the apartment, and they have a room for the night.
It's strange, how giddy and nervous she feels. There's nothing different about tonight than any other night that they've been alone together, and they've been alone together for more than just their two and a half years together in Darrow. Well, there is one difference. She's a bride tonight, and he's her groom.
The room is huge, a suite with a kitchenette and a whole separate bedroom from the sitting room. It's practically an apartment. There's a balcony that overlooks the beach, and a bright, clear breeze off the bay. Inej steps out onto it with a glass of wine. She's a little drunk, but only pleasantly.
So Inej changes into something a little more comfortable when they pick up their overnight bags from the apartment, and they have a room for the night.
It's strange, how giddy and nervous she feels. There's nothing different about tonight than any other night that they've been alone together, and they've been alone together for more than just their two and a half years together in Darrow. Well, there is one difference. She's a bride tonight, and he's her groom.
The room is huge, a suite with a kitchenette and a whole separate bedroom from the sitting room. It's practically an apartment. There's a balcony that overlooks the beach, and a bright, clear breeze off the bay. Inej steps out onto it with a glass of wine. She's a little drunk, but only pleasantly.
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(no subject)
Things have been busy, but hardly in a bad way. Business is good, wedding plans are underway, and Inej is terribly excited about Nina's baby on the way. Things seem terribly steady, and she does appreciate that. Even when she remembers that Darrow is a cage, it hardly feels so bad these days. She's settled, as much as she can be. There's love in her heart, as much as she feels capable of, and it's glorious.
They're still hours from opening, and Inej is in the back, logging inventory. It's unseasonable warm once more, much of the snow and ice that had accumulated over the last week already melted off, and she's got the window in the office open to air it out while she goes over the orders.
They're still hours from opening, and Inej is in the back, logging inventory. It's unseasonable warm once more, much of the snow and ice that had accumulated over the last week already melted off, and she's got the window in the office open to air it out while she goes over the orders.
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Prayed for snow a long time and lazy, it long has arrived
The ring box sits in her pocket, on the nightstand, on every surface and every board. She still can't bring herself to wear her lovely ring, and she still has nightmares, but it is slowly, steadily, easier to lay next to Kaz in the nights and in the mornings. But she can't always make it all the way through the night.
When she comes to Nina's apartment, it's for two reasons. The first is because she's engaged now. Kaz has finally proposed, and Nina is her best friend, her sister, and she wants to share in the joy of it. Inej is, after all, deeply happy that it's happened. She's never been this happy in years. She's going to be married, come spring, and she'll have a family of her own.
But the other reason is because she would like, before her wedding, to be able to touch either Kaz or Nina ever again. She knows that Nina can't fix her. But she can ease things. She can soothe the edges of what violence was done to her.
when she gets to the apartment she knocks. There's tea and cakes in hand, and the ring box in her pocket. It will do her good all around, just to have a moment.
When she comes to Nina's apartment, it's for two reasons. The first is because she's engaged now. Kaz has finally proposed, and Nina is her best friend, her sister, and she wants to share in the joy of it. Inej is, after all, deeply happy that it's happened. She's never been this happy in years. She's going to be married, come spring, and she'll have a family of her own.
But the other reason is because she would like, before her wedding, to be able to touch either Kaz or Nina ever again. She knows that Nina can't fix her. But she can ease things. She can soothe the edges of what violence was done to her.
when she gets to the apartment she knocks. There's tea and cakes in hand, and the ring box in her pocket. It will do her good all around, just to have a moment.
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(no subject)
Fall comes in with a suddenness that thrills Inej. She throws open the windows in their apartment and busies herself in the kind of deep cleaning she won’t do again until Spring. There’s something good about doing it, something peaceful. If she must be stuck in a birdcage, she is at least stuck in a very good one, and she can at least make the soaces she occupies her own.
When she gets to the bedroom, she clears out their closest, dumping everything on the bed so she can start sorting out her summer thibgs and give Kaz’s clothes a good airing as well. He’s been here for years now. That never really strikes her until she sees the things they’ve amassed.
Once Kaz’s suits are done, she sits surrounded by her array of clothing, sorting diligently from the middle of the bed.
When she gets to the bedroom, she clears out their closest, dumping everything on the bed so she can start sorting out her summer thibgs and give Kaz’s clothes a good airing as well. He’s been here for years now. That never really strikes her until she sees the things they’ve amassed.
Once Kaz’s suits are done, she sits surrounded by her array of clothing, sorting diligently from the middle of the bed.
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(no subject)
Inej found the most decadent looking chocolate cake, dark with a thick layer of buttercream frosting, before she heads over to Nina's apartment. She gets coffee as well, though goes for a decaffeinated latte for Nina, since she's read that Nina shouldn't necessarily have too much caffeine.
The only thing she really knows about this whole nonsense is that she loves spending time with Nina, and that they're theoretically discussing the ridiculous man that has visited Nina for months now. Inej isn't really sure how she feels about him, except that she's glad for Nina to have a regular client.
She's surprised, but not too much, when she reaches Nina's door and finds the man himself leaving. Their eyes meet briefly, and then they pass, as if they haven't seen each other at all. She knows he's put an eye on her, and isn't sure how she feels about that any more than she knows how she feels knowing that the man that lives elsewhere in this building, looking too much like Kaz all grown up, probably has a good peg on her too.
She knocks on Nina's door with her elbow, not letting herself in mostly because her hands are full. She could get the door open, but it would take some clever juggling.
"Nina, it's me."
The only thing she really knows about this whole nonsense is that she loves spending time with Nina, and that they're theoretically discussing the ridiculous man that has visited Nina for months now. Inej isn't really sure how she feels about him, except that she's glad for Nina to have a regular client.
She's surprised, but not too much, when she reaches Nina's door and finds the man himself leaving. Their eyes meet briefly, and then they pass, as if they haven't seen each other at all. She knows he's put an eye on her, and isn't sure how she feels about that any more than she knows how she feels knowing that the man that lives elsewhere in this building, looking too much like Kaz all grown up, probably has a good peg on her too.
She knocks on Nina's door with her elbow, not letting herself in mostly because her hands are full. She could get the door open, but it would take some clever juggling.
"Nina, it's me."
Entry tags:
(no subject)
When Inej left, her dress was white. Now, at the end of the night, she's scattered in glitter and powder dye and paint smeared on the dress and her skin. It was a good time. She enjoyed herself, feeling a little bit like the Spider she'd been back in Kerch, but mostly like the girl she's gotten to be here in Darrow.
She knows that Kaz is back at the apartment, and she's looking forward to coming home to him. As soon as she's in the door, she takes her shoes off. She's not sure she'll manage to scatter him in glitter before he knows she's there to do it--he always knows she's there--but it's a fun attempt to make, before she goes to wash everything off.
She knows that Kaz is back at the apartment, and she's looking forward to coming home to him. As soon as she's in the door, she takes her shoes off. She's not sure she'll manage to scatter him in glitter before he knows she's there to do it--he always knows she's there--but it's a fun attempt to make, before she goes to wash everything off.
Entry tags:
(no subject)
Inej doesn't want to be jealous about it, but she finds, in the days afterwards, that she is. She tries prayer, but most of her Saints are not here, and even the little token pendant that Kaz found her, months and months back, isn't quite enough; even the little shrine that she made for Sankta Amalthea on the edge of town isn't quite enough. She's full of a bitterness and a jealousy that she shouldn't be, because childrearing is a gift, a sacred thing.
But Nina didn't want this. Not the way that Inej did, put away into a box for years and years to be slowly uncovered here. She's been working that box out over time, thinking about it a lot over the last few months. And Nina has just--she's just got it.
Inej doesn't want to be jealous about it, but she is.
But she can't very well start a family when she hasn't even, really, started a family. She loves living with Kaz, but that's only slightly different than it was since he rescued her from Tante Heleen. She craves the visibility of a wedding, a grand Suli thing, and it seems foolish but she's dreamed of one since she was a little girl and helped one of her distant girl-cousins sew pearls into the skirt of her huge dress. She remembers them having a son within ten months of that wedding, and Inej wants that, so badly, to be like her.
She sits on the window seat, sipping tea and reading a magazine and trying not to be jealous.
But Nina didn't want this. Not the way that Inej did, put away into a box for years and years to be slowly uncovered here. She's been working that box out over time, thinking about it a lot over the last few months. And Nina has just--she's just got it.
Inej doesn't want to be jealous about it, but she is.
But she can't very well start a family when she hasn't even, really, started a family. She loves living with Kaz, but that's only slightly different than it was since he rescued her from Tante Heleen. She craves the visibility of a wedding, a grand Suli thing, and it seems foolish but she's dreamed of one since she was a little girl and helped one of her distant girl-cousins sew pearls into the skirt of her huge dress. She remembers them having a son within ten months of that wedding, and Inej wants that, so badly, to be like her.
She sits on the window seat, sipping tea and reading a magazine and trying not to be jealous.
Entry tags:
(no subject)
It's still a couple months until birthdays start rolling in. Kaz's, then Nina's, and then her own. It's still a little strange to her that, due to Darrow, they're not all the same age any longer. Kaz will be twenty this year, and Nina and Inej both nineteen. It's curious, but hardly bad.
But it does get her thinking. Circles and thoughts. They're adults now, essentially. It's a very strange way to think about it, but not the first time that she's thought about it, either. This sweet settling feeling, this contentment in her chest. She and Kaz are adults now, and it isn't the life she thought she's lead--it isn't the caravan, or being some vigilante pirate queen, or anything like that. But he's there, his armor let down for her, and Inej feels safe and adored.
So she's been thinking.
She holds her little pack of pills that she takes, to keep herself safe and regular. They've been a blessing, since she's started them. But with her head all cluttered and circular, she's been thinking of what it would be like to start a family.
And if she wants to do that...well, she's not starting by skipping her pill, that's for sure. She pops the day's pill out and swallows it with her coffee. It's a lot to think about.
But it does get her thinking. Circles and thoughts. They're adults now, essentially. It's a very strange way to think about it, but not the first time that she's thought about it, either. This sweet settling feeling, this contentment in her chest. She and Kaz are adults now, and it isn't the life she thought she's lead--it isn't the caravan, or being some vigilante pirate queen, or anything like that. But he's there, his armor let down for her, and Inej feels safe and adored.
So she's been thinking.
She holds her little pack of pills that she takes, to keep herself safe and regular. They've been a blessing, since she's started them. But with her head all cluttered and circular, she's been thinking of what it would be like to start a family.
And if she wants to do that...well, she's not starting by skipping her pill, that's for sure. She pops the day's pill out and swallows it with her coffee. It's a lot to think about.